Bittersweet Time Travel

Who knew it would feel this strange to log back into WordPress after nearly 3 years and read some of my old blog posts? It’s kind of like I’m time travelling into the past… which I’m finding to be mostly bittersweet, because I can’t help but to think about everything that’s happened in the time since my last post:

My college boyfriend and I broke up after almost three years together. I earned a double major in finance and management science and graduated on time with honors. Within the last year and a half, my grandpa, and then my dad two months later, both passed away unexpectedly. I finally ditched the college retail job, and I now have a new job at a great company doing something I enjoy that pays way better. I went into – and then out of – a relationship faster than I could reasonably process with a silly boy to whom I happily haven’t spoken in over a year now. I bought my very first house this past June. I stopped going to church and practicing the faith I grew up with. I met and have fallen completely in love with someone at the most unexpected place and time in my life, but the uncertainty of my future with him leaves me feeling sadder than I’ve felt in a long time. I’ve grown so much closer to a few friends and have made some great new friends as well. I’ve also grown very far apart from several old friends and have accepted this to be a sad yet normal thing for 20-somethings to go through.

So yeah, I won’t lie. There’s a small part of present-day me that truly envies the carefree, unsure, and unsuspecting me from a few years ago. I think she would have been excited and proud to hear all about my accomplishments, but she would have also been devastated to learn about the grief and pain that has become a staple in my life lately. And of course, if I could somehow go back and tell her the things I know now, maybe things today could be different.

However, there is another, much larger part of me that desperately wants to believe I am now a better and stronger person because of these experiences. There are certainly days where I feel like I might be… Especially when I think about where I used to be versus where I am now and about all the loving people and great blessings I have in my life today. I guess I’m just waiting for the day when I know with 100% certainty that everything is going to be okay.

 

 

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Back From the Dead

Today is August 15th, 2013. I don’t remember the last day I posted on here, but I can try to fill in some of the blanks regarding what I’ve been up to since my last blog post. You know, in case any of you actually care or are still interested in/reading my blog.

Life has been pretty hectic lately, but mostly in a positive way. I’ve just been busy nonstop for weeks… I worked like crazy at my job right up until I had to drive up to my college town and move into my new apartment. Then, I turned around and headed home a few days later, spent the next three days hurriedly finishing up my horrible summer World Lit class, and then left the next morning for a week trip to the beach. The beach trip was lovely and all, but the day after returning home, again I left to go back to my college town and sort out my job situation over there… only to come back home two weeks later just “for the weekend” which ended up being an entire week instead, and now finally today I am headed back up to school once and for all. Well, probably until Labor Day weekend when my family will want me to come home yet again. Sigh….

Because of the constant busy-ness and running around like a crazy person, my summer break hasn’t really felt like a “break” at all. I had some pretty high hopes as far as things I would get done this summer, but as you can imagine, I eventually just ran out of time for everything.

But while I may not have done EVERYTHING I had hoped to accomplish this summer, I still can’t really complain. I got an easy, 3-credit English class out of the way while working a ton at my job and making some pretty good money. I’ve got a better idea of what I might want my major/s and minor to be, but I still think I should take the introductory business courses in finance, marketing, and management science before I make a final decision. I got accepted for a PR position in a club that I’m currently involved with at school, which is really exciting because it’s a year-long position and will also help me determine if that may also be something I’m interested in. And in regards to my social life, I was able to see most of my friends from back home in one way or another, and was also able to see my boyfriend a good 4 times this summer (can’t wait to stop the long-distance in a few days!) I also made a few new friends this summer as well :)

And of course, the overall process of moving into the new apartment certainly had its moments, but I am happy to say that I absolutely LOVE this new apartment! My roommate Katherine and I are almost finished putting the final touches on the decorative and organizational aspects of the apartment. I can’t wait to officially be settled in because not only will we be able to finally relax in our new space, but I’ll be able to snap some photos of the new place and share some of my decorating and DIY projects I’ve done around the apartment so far!

So… It’s been really busy lately, but now that things are beginning to settle into a more predictable routine of school, work, blogging (hopefully), extracurriculars, etc., I’m feeling much less stressed and more prepared for this upcoming school year. I’m pretty excited to see what my junior year of college will bring. I really do hope this year will involve a little less studying 24/7 so that I can make some more free time for myself and actually enjoy my second to last year in college :)

In the meantime, I’ve got one more week of summer break to enjoy before classes resume for the fall semester. I’m going to make every one of these next 7 days count :)

Oedipus… With Vegetables?

As I was researching the several adaptations of the classic Sophocles play “Oedipus the King” for my World Literature research paper due in a few days, I managed to stumble across this 8-minute retelling of Oedipus that is equally amazing and ridiculous.

Complete with outstanding animation and epic music, not to mention the kitchen utensil weapons and brief scenes involving some vegetable lovin’ and gory ketchup, this is quite easily the most incredible short animated film I have seen in a long time.

Oh, Hey There, WordPress…

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted last. I never thought that my summer would ever get as busy as it has. At the beginning of May, I came up with a mental checklist of  things that I wanted to accomplish over the summer break, including:

  • become CPR/First Aid certified
  • learn how to ride a bike (finally)
  • begin studying for the GMAT I will most likely be taking next school year
  • pick up my clarinet once again
  • do some thrifty apartment shopping
  • read a bunch of books (fiction, non-fiction, and business topics)
  • complete a few crafts for my new apartment
  • hang out with some friends from high school
  • try out new dinner recipes
  • (and of course) blog more often

Needless to say, I have unfortunately not been able to cross off a single one of those items  off my mental checklist. All I have been doing (and I really do mean ALL that I have been doing) these past 3 or 4 weeks is working endless hours at my job and reading endless stories for my World Literature summer class.

At least I’m being productive (not to mention making mad BANK!), but if it’s at the expense of my summer and my sanity, I’d much rather just work on my little summer checklist.

Thankfully, there are some nice things I can still look forward to this summer. First, my uncle is coming to visit from LA this coming weekend, which is awesome. Also, I’m moving into my new apartment in about three weeks or so, and I am SUPER excited about that! I can’t wait to get out of the apartment I am in now! I am also going on a week-long beach vacation the week after my summer class ends :) AND, I’ve made it so that my last day at work for the summer is July 11th, which leaves me some extra time before class starts up in August to get the things done that I actually WANT to do. :D YAY!

Now that I feel I’ve adequately quenched my thirst for procrastination, I should probably go write this essay that’s due tomorrow before I have to go in to work. Oy vey…

Derailed

I haven’t posted on my blog in over two weeks.

It’s not because I’ve been too busy to sit down and write anything, and it’s not because I haven’t done anything exciting that’s worth blogging about.

The truth is that I actually have been pretty busy these last few days, and I’ve done some pretty fun and exciting things lately that I could have very easily written about. Here is where I think the problem lies:

Whenever I come up with an idea, I have this vision in my head of what the final product of that idea will be like, and that vision is what I set as my goal and what I try so hard to achieve. Somewhere deep down, I know that the initial vision of something is almost never what ends up happening in the end, and a lot of times that can be a great and positive thing. Though for whatever reason, if after some time something doesn’t turn out the way I pictured it, I tend to get distracted by my “failure” to the point where I feel completely unmotivated and uninspired to continue on. When I feel that way, it makes me just want to stop trying or quit completely.

I know I’m not the only person to have ever felt this way… but the feeling is rather awful. It’s like writer’s block but much worse because I’ve also managed to lose my purpose during this phase of being completely uninspired, and so I have no idea where to go from here.