44

We talked about the future often… Probably more than the average for people who’ve known eachother for as short a time as we have. 
At first, I was a little hesitant and scared to talk about the future like that, so seriously and so soon, but you seemed absolutely certain of what you wanted — and more importantly, you seemed certain about wanting those things with me. And so slowly but surely, those ideas of yours began to swirl around in my mind too, despite the barriers I’d put up long ago in an effort to try and avoid that sort of thing.

And now, I’m trying my best to recover from the whiplash. We’ve moved from knowing we want the same things, to suddenly “being at such different stages in life” that this now seems impossible… Or so you say. 

I’ve given those words much more thought than they probably deserve over the last several days, and well, I just don’t get it. I don’t understand how you could actually truly believe that, after all of our conversations about the subject. It really makes me wonder: do you just see whatever it is you’ve decided you want to see? 

Advertisements

39

I’m so afraid to reach out and talk to you or tell you anything half the time now, because I have no idea if it’s going to upset or annoy you, or if you’ll even respond or be in a mood to talk to me. It feels absolutely horrible.

I don’t know what you want or where your head’s at. I have no idea how to act or what to say or how to say it.

You say we’re still friends, and I really hope that’s true, but it feels like even that’s falling apart. 

I’ve come to terms and accepted everything that’s happened in the last few months. I understand why a romantic relationship won’t work right now. I forgive you completely for everything that’s caused me pain because I know you’re a good person who didn’t mean for things to go like this, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel guilty or like a bad person for any of it.

All of this I can handle, but for whatever reason I just can’t deal with feeling like I can’t even talk to you anymore. I know I’m more than capable of being just your friend, but if this is how it’s going to feel…