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I’m so afraid to reach out and talk to you or tell you anything half the time now, because I have no idea if it’s going to upset or annoy you, or if you’ll even respond or be in a mood to talk to me. It feels absolutely horrible.

I don’t know what you want or where your head’s at. I have no idea how to act or what to say or how to say it.

You say we’re still friends, and I really hope that’s true, but it feels like even that’s falling apart. 

I’ve come to terms and accepted everything that’s happened in the last few months. I understand why a romantic relationship won’t work right now. I forgive you completely for everything that’s caused me pain because I know you’re a good person who didn’t mean for things to go like this, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel guilty or like a bad person for any of it.

All of this I can handle, but for whatever reason I just can’t deal with feeling like I can’t even talk to you anymore. I know I’m more than capable of being just your friend, but if this is how it’s going to feel…

… Another Will Open.

Confession: I’ve been singing. A lot.

Now I’m not claiming to be great at it by any means, but I’ve been absolutely enjoying singing almost every day for the last month or so. In the shower, on the road, even while I’m walking to my classes, I’ve been singing. I found that not only does it help me alleviate some of the stress I’ve been dealing with, but it has also helped to take my mind off of the recent breakdown of a friendship I thought I’d always have.

And most importantly, singing just makes me feel HAPPY. I’ve been having the most difficult time these last few months trying to keep myself afloat with all the work and responsibilities I have, and it’s so nice to have something to help remove myself from it all. Even if I forget about everything just for a little while, I always come back feeling confident and reassured that the things that trouble me will turn out alright after all.

And now for the part I was not expecting:

Somehow, during all this craziness in my life recently, I managed to make a new friend. We have so much in common, if I tried to elaborate just how similar we are, you’d probably think I’m just making it up as I go. After discovering our mutual loves for Breaking Bad, classical music, snail mail, Miley Cyrus, Italian food (and cooking in general), stuffed animals, bad puns, old-school video games, and other general geekery, naturally we hit it off straight away. And of course, like me, he also enjoys singing (although he is infinitely better at it than I am) and our voices couldn’t fit more perfectly when we sing together.

I really don’t remember the last time I clicked with someone this well. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense to me how we became friends so quickly, but I suppose it doesn’t need to make sense. It just works somehow. And I’m totally okay with that. I usually go between feeling baffled and amazed at how I even managed to meet him in the first place, while feeling immensely grateful that I did at all.

Even though it was completely by chance that we met and became friends, I still can’t help but wonder if everything really does happen for a specific reason. Or if those silly paper fortunes really can pull through from time to time…

When One Door Closes…

When One Door Closes...

Last week I had to close one of the doors in my life. I don’t want to go into much detail, but I guess you could say this decision was a long time coming, and it needed to be done. I think it is the best thing for me right now, and I know I’ll eventually feel glad that I did it.

By some miracle, I ended up with this little paper in my hands the day after I closed that door, and it makes me hopeful for another door that may open up for me soon.
Fingers crossed.