39

I’m so afraid to reach out and talk to you or tell you anything half the time now, because I have no idea if it’s going to upset or annoy you, or if you’ll even respond or be in a mood to talk to me. It feels absolutely horrible.

I don’t know what you want or where your head’s at. I have no idea how to act or what to say or how to say it.

You say we’re still friends, and I really hope that’s true, but it feels like even that’s falling apart. 

I’ve come to terms and accepted everything that’s happened in the last few months. I understand why a romantic relationship won’t work right now. I forgive you completely for everything that’s caused me pain because I know you’re a good person who didn’t mean for things to go like this, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel guilty or like a bad person for any of it.

All of this I can handle, but for whatever reason I just can’t deal with feeling like I can’t even talk to you anymore. I know I’m more than capable of being just your friend, but if this is how it’s going to feel…

Advertisements

Clueless

It breaks my heart a little more each time I think about how clueless I was. You were… and are, in so much pain, and I never really noticed. Hell, I never even stopped to contemplate the possibility that your unexplained actions (or occasionally the lack thereof) had absolutely nothing to do with me after all. I feel so ashamed and selfish. I should have known better.

The worst part is that the signs were there… subtle, but undeniably there, in retrospect. And sometimes I hate myself for not realizing it entirely on my own. A small part of me wishes you had trusted me enough to let me in sooner, to unload a little and ease the burden of holding it all in… But I think I have a better understand now as to why you couldn’t.

I hope someday you’ll forgive me.