55

We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in a little over a week… And while it does make me feel sad to think about a week of us having nothing to say to one another, honestly the silence doesn’t feel quite as terrible as I imagined it would be. In fact, in a weird way, it almost feels like it’s been a good thing. It’s given me a lot of time to think.

I’ve been embracing lately the idea of time acting as the ultimate healer. Time is moving on, either with or without us, whether we like it or not. With each and every hour that passes, it has taken me that much further away from all that’s happened… but at the same time, it’s also slowly inched me closer to finding clarity, peace, and whatever it is that the future holds for me. For the first time in months, everything finally feels like it’s going to be okay someday. 

With every passing hour in the days and weeks to come, I hope you know you’re that much closer to healing and finding your own peace too. One day, you’ll wake up and feel so much better about everything. You’ll feel happy and know who you are once more. And you’ll finally feel like you’re able to be completely vulnerable again and allow someone into your heart who will love you, exactly as you are, forever. When that day comes, I hope you’ll know where to find me.

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39

I’m so afraid to reach out and talk to you or tell you anything half the time now, because I have no idea if it’s going to upset or annoy you, or if you’ll even respond or be in a mood to talk to me. It feels absolutely horrible.

I don’t know what you want or where your head’s at. I have no idea how to act or what to say or how to say it.

You say we’re still friends, and I really hope that’s true, but it feels like even that’s falling apart. 

I’ve come to terms and accepted everything that’s happened in the last few months. I understand why a romantic relationship won’t work right now. I forgive you completely for everything that’s caused me pain because I know you’re a good person who didn’t mean for things to go like this, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel guilty or like a bad person for any of it.

All of this I can handle, but for whatever reason I just can’t deal with feeling like I can’t even talk to you anymore. I know I’m more than capable of being just your friend, but if this is how it’s going to feel…